Christine’s 2014: A Project on the Self

Finally found a PURPOSE for this whiteboard. :)

Finally found a PURPOSE for this whiteboard.

Today, out of nowhere, I had a “moment.” It happened at 3:57 p.m. on Tuesday, January 21 and it hit me like a ton of bricks. For the past few months I’ve been bogged down with some negativity and stress. When I get stressed out, I tend to take it out on the people who least deserve it (my Mom and Keith) and these behaviors weren’t stopping. To be completely honest, I felt like I was no longer in control of my emotions, my feelings, and my words. Words are permanent, so  after a typically bad day (screaming at Keith, arguing with a friend, and continuing that argument for three days because I was SO angry), I decided I needed to do something that I haven’t done for quite some time and that was put myself first.

I decided that I need to learn to say no to the things and people that stress me out, and though I love to help people, I need to learn that it’s okay not to WANT to take on that type of energy and to understand that we ALL make choices and I shouldn’t feel guilty for my choices that later, resulted in accomplishments. In academe, no one minimizes their accomplishments, so why would I?  I have am also learning that I cannot fix everyone’s problems. As an educator, the desire to FIX, and CARE, and PLEASE are internalized within my psyche. It’s a tough batch of emotions!

So, next I gathered every inspirational book I own and placed them on my nightstand. This includes my prayer book, “May Cause Miracles” by Gabrielle Bernstein (thanks Tashina and my awesome English Department colleagues for this recommendation) and Billy Graham’s “Hope for Each Day.” I then let them sit there assuming that their “power” would just ooze into me from a foot away. Not so much.

After a pretty enlightening conversation with my Mom about drama, wedding BS, work-life balance, and cats, I watched a video on “God Whispers”, prepped myself to sift through a 70 page federal grant proposal, and then it hit me. I can SAY I want to do all of these great things, but I actually have to do them. I have to transform the self, MYself, and this year (the year that I’m getting married) will be the year to do it.  So, in an effort to become the person that I would want to be married to, I’m going to initiate one small change per week while reading my texts and taking care of myself.

Challenges are going to happen and I’m going to try and deal with them. I won’t always make everyone happy and everything won’t always be sunshine and rainbows, but I feel ready to do something different for my mind, body, and soul. Each week I will update my whiteboard with a new “This Week” goal and share it with a hashtag of #christines2014. I feel ready.

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7 thoughts on “Christine’s 2014: A Project on the Self

  1. I love this! I’ve been going through a lot of stress lately, and I handle it much the same way… by taking it out on my boyfriend and friends and even avoiding most situations with them involved to not let my short fuse get to me. I decided to pay attention only to my blessings and not my complaints. Easier said than done when the pile is so high, but I can already see myself getting better at it. Its always stuck with me that to change your life you must change your thoughts. Good luck with it all! :)

  2. I myself am a people pleaser and always try to say yes to people. I’ve also made a vow to myself though that it is okay to say no if it’s not going to be the right thing for me in the end. I hope everything works out for you and that things get better for this year!

  3. You have to take care of yourself first before you try and take care of other people, it’s kind of like trying to build a house on a weak foundation, eventually it is going to collapse under the pressure. It’s good that you are going to be taking more time for yourself, I’m sure you will be happier.

  4. It is impossible to please everyone. People are going to be mad at all of your decisions that is why we have to be mindful but not full of regret of the decisions we make. I say that because saying yes to all of the things people ask us will cause regret as well.

    Good luck in 2014!

  5. Very true and resilient. Finding the optimal balance between the quality and the quantity of commitments would mean saying “no” to overwhelming requests/promises. People are generally understanding of your needs and reasons. It’s good that you’re slowing down and making time for yourself. Such a healthy approach will reduce stress and make you happier overall. Stay strong! :)

  6. Everyone needs to step back a bit and reflect once in a while – it does you good! And I think it’s completely normal to take it out on the people closest to you… and because they love you so much they’ll totally understand ;) Getting it out on the blog is also a great way to destress and let it all out!

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