Believe it or not, it’s been 40 days since life as we know it (at least in my home) has completely changed. I left work on March 13, 2020–didn’t get to say goodbye to my students, and have been thrown into a realm of distance learning, managing a home, and trying to keep myself as rational as possible. In short, behind the pretty Instagram and cutesy DIY recipes, and positive affirmations, I’m struggling in some ways.
I am trying to support my husband who is a cemetery worker and obviously deemed essential (and not doing a perfect job with that all the time), balancing the workload and emotions from high schoolers, and working to give my time to my sweet three year old who has an idea that something has changed, but he’s not sure what exactly. He knows we can’t really visit with his Grandparents, and he knows we can’t visit with friends and have playdates. He Facetimes with his friends and with my parents and in-laws, but because we are NOT really a screen house, he doesn’t quite see the allure of sitting in front of a laptop. I’m oddly proud of that to be honest, but it does make staying connected a different type of challenge.
I also recognize the extreme amount of privilege that I possess. I’m able to work from home, to teach my students and support them as best as I can while taking care of my son. I’m able to go grocery shopping and put food on the table. All three of us are healthy–we have a warm home, a kind dog, and an amazing network of support–and yet? I still feel completely lost at times. I question what I do, what I don’t do, and I have a hard time putting anyone else first with the exception of my child. I complain about new education mandates while forgetting that I’m safe in my home. Without the certainty of a schedule I’m struggling–while forgetting that schedules are fleeting and really quite meaningless.
Sometimes I forget that these are not normal times. But, I’m working on it. I’m moving my body, I’m getting outside with Leo, I’m using my oils, and I’m doing my best even if it doesn’t FEEL like my best. The future is so uncertain right now and each day feels like a new chance to cope with the state of our world in a positive way. I’m trying to do just that–and I hope you all are, too. Tell me how you’re doing! Much love & light to you. This too shall pass. <3